I’m no expert, but it seems to me that the best way to exterminate internet trolls is to expose them. So, with a nod to Jeff Foxworthy, here are a few ways to spot them and lure them out into the light.
You might be an internet troll if…
You’re still commenting on Ty Montgomery’s Instagram account about a play he made almost four months ago.
You’ve ever used the snake emoticon.
You correct someone’s grammar because you don’t like their point of view.
You make political comments on recipe pages.
You’ve ever posted a mean comment under a child’s picture.
You crack yourself up from the privacy of your mother’s couch.
The anonymous profile you set up to stalk celebrities has more friends than you do IRL.
You only read articles so you can post comments to them.
You get into fights on your neighborhood watch page.
You use words you should only describe with a letter.
You direct your followers to a site and tell them to “skip the blog and scroll right to my comment.”
You and 157 of your friends do “skip the blog and go right to the comment”, add your comments to his, and enjoy a completely one-sided conversation in which you each congratulate yourself on the exact same point you’ve now made 158 times.
You post comments you would never say out loud.
You use ALL CAPS when you’re REALLY MAD!
You cancel plans with friends so you can track comments you post to Reddit.
You’ve been banned from more than one social media site.
You have a strong opinion about a movie you’ve never seen, a book you’ve never read, a person you’ve never met or a show you’ve never watched…and you post it proudly and repeatedly.
You’ve ever used the phrase “I’m not a racist but…”
You define success by the number of on-line responses to your comment.
You have no soul.