Dear Internet,
I’m not that nerdy, I swear. I know how that last post made it seem. Believe me, if I had seen pictures of some teenage girl huddled in front of a computer screen cuddling an accordion, I would’ve thought she was a nerd too. I don’t blame you Internet. We don’t really have that close of a relationship, what with the whole no smartphone and everything. I’m sure you were a little offended when you heard that I chose an accordion over you. I get it. But, you can’t put all the blame on me. When I asked you for accordion instruction videos, you delivered. When I couldn’t remember my favorite presidential reject in American history, you sent me to Henry Clay’s Wikipedia page. Come on Internet there’s a whole list of reasons why you’re the real nerd in this relationship.
- Studying. At first glance you seem like the anti-studier, with your plethora of social media and gaming sites, but when I need to review integral equations of three dimensional solids, you give me at least 20 videos and 100s of sites to turn to. You can play dumb all you want Internet, but nobody’s buying it.
- Music. It’s not just accordions, Internet, you love all polka music. When my parents wanted to practice their polka skills for an upcoming event, you were all too excited to supply playlist after playlist of um-pa-pas.
- Books. It seems a little oxymoronic, but you’re the biggest book nerd I know. When I wanted to read The Epic of Gilgamesh, you not only gave me a full copy, you also gave me detailed annotations of each passage. When I had to read Les Miserables for a class, you gave me hours of audio recordings in French and English.
- Classics. For one of the greatest innovations of the modern era, you’re quite the old soul, Internet. You love fifties fashion, Victorian photography, and twenties literature. You can quote Howl better than any hipster I know. You’re the first person I turn to for pin-up hairdos and vintage jewelry.
- Animals. This one seems obvious, with your scores of adorable animal videos, but it’s not just about the cuteness, Internet, you love the mean, ugly, and old too. You talk about animals more than Charles Darwin at a zoo. When I had to find 20 different species on insects for science, you were a little too quick to give me not only the names of the insects, but their genus, order, and phylum too. I couldn’t get you to shut up about them.
- Art. I thought it was just the Google Doodles, and maybe the occasional museum site. But it didn’t stop there. Soon you took every chance you could get to plaster yourself with art. Now you can’t hide it anymore, Internet, you’re an art nerd too. I bet you spend hours on Picasso’s Wikipedia page, studying the juxtaposition and color palette.
- Food. You can try and hide the food porn behind McDonald’s pop-up ads and Pepsi banners, but we all know the truth. You’re a foodie. Whenever I need a recommendation, a restaurant, or a recipe, I turn to you. You know the difference between a chiffonade and a julienne, a braise and a brown. Trust me Internet, once I couldn’t sleep all night, because I was so excited about the truffle brie omelet I was making for breakfast. I have a cooking blog. I know food nerds.
The good news, Internet, you’re in pretty good company. My sister has a whole comedy show celebrating the many kinds of nerds out there. You wouldn’t be so nerdy if there weren’t millions of nerds backing you up. You’re basically king of the nerds. Own it!
