The Oconto Queen

We kicked off summer yesterday with a float down the frigid waters of the Oconto River.

Say what you will about us Wisconsinites, but we’ve never let a little unseasonable chill spoil our fun.

So, wanting to set a tone for the epic summer of 2025, in we went, Captain Allnut and me.

(And, if you’re old enough to catch that reference, you’re even older than I am).

I can’t tell you how smug we felt in that late afternoon sun. Sure, we wore sweats instead of swimming togs, but there we were, floating, sipping, and enjoying the late day sun.

In an effort to avoid hypothermia, we chose a three-person raft, rather than our regular inner tubes, and Captain Allnut cleverly grabbed a two-sided paddle, appropriately branded Rogue River.

I fished out my phone and snapped some shots as we coasted happily along.

Trouble stretched its spindly hands out to catch us, just around the river bend.

Have you seen the movie the African Queen? I have and that’s what popped into my head as a dead tree snagged us in its gross, bug infested branches.

Captain Allnut fought it off bravely, but our Rogue River paddle ditched us. That’s right, our paddle went rogue. It leapt out of our vessel and may even have gestured at us as we floated away.

“I’ll get it!” I yelled, while simultaneously laughing and documenting the whole debacle. In my mind, I dove gracefully into that river and emerged holding the rogue paddle triumphantly aloft.

In reality, I didn’t actually move, just watched as our lone steering mechanism sank slowly to the silt.

“Huh!” I said as we floated away.

I tried to remember how the African Queen ended. Did they marry? Did they live? Did the whole cast come down with malaria?

Adrift, we assessed our options.

Captain Allnut favored a bank-hugging course, while I wanted to float midstream.

“I mean, what’s our schedule anyway?” I said. “We have a three-day weekend.”

Eventually, we dog-paddled to our destination, and hauled ourselves ashore.

It was a classic start to what I anticipate will be an outstanding summer. That Rogue Paddle doesn’t know what it’s about to miss!

I hope you all had an epic start to your summer as well.

Let’s go!