Meta-physics and the definition of real

A bunch of people tried to convince Facebook that my account had been cloned. So did I.

But, Facebook didn’t believe us.

All day yesterday and into the evening, Facebook sent me emails saying “We reviewed the profile your friend reported and found that it isn’t pretending to be you.”

I took a good look at the profile that wasn’t pretending to be me and saw someone who looked an awful lot like me. And, I am shocked to learn that someone else in this old world is lugging around the particular six syllable combination of my maiden and last name…with my first name too!

I can’t wait to meet this person face to freckle face! I wonder if her right ring finger bends sideways at the knuckle. Or if she dislikes eggs and seaweed. Or if she has any tips for taming our unruly hair.

Maybe the fake me who isn’t pretending to be me is completely my opposite. Maybe she’s crafty and patient and loves to play video games. I bet her penmanship looks like calligraphy and her shower grout sparkles. She probably dashes off her thank you notes before she even finishes unwrapping her presents and never has a second glass of wine.

Or, maybe I’m the fake profile and I just never knew it. Maybe my whole fate was determined long ago and every lesson I’ve taken or resolution I’ve made or challenge I’ve accepted has been a red herring meant to distract me from the path that other profile has been dragging me through all along.

But, then, who’s the guy who shows up in both our profile pictures?

He looks awfully familiar to me.

And, I don’t know about that other profile, but that guy in my picture and I were married exactly 38 years ago today.

So, Happy Anniversary to us…and to them.

I guess we’re all Facebook official.