I can’t have nice things.
I know this and, generally, rise above this particular affliction. But, I also like to live in the modern world and I have certain hobbies that require technology, so I try.
If the last few weeks of 2018 and the first few days of 2019 are any indication, though, the Year of the Pig is going to be particularly rough for me.
My vacuum cleaner is in the shop after it sucked up half a throw rug during one son’s aborted effort to help me tidy up over the holidays.
We can’t find the remote for the family room TV and, as a result, are currently using one remote for two TVs. This requires a dash back and forth from one floor to the other each time a channel needs to be turned, or the volume adjusted or the input changed. On the plus side, we’re getting our steps in.
My camera won’t take photos. Yes, you can read that again. It won’t shoot pictures. When I turn it on I get an ominous message telling me to contact a Nikon service representative. I did this and learned I need to buy a new camera. The representative delivered this shocking news RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY CAMERA. I hustled my poor, sweet friend out of there immediately and tried to cheer her up on the way home, but we both know our days together are numbered.
My laptop spits out random backspaces at a furious pace. This makes for rough blogging. I type a letter and delete several back slashes. Type. Delete. Type. Delete. Type. Delete. Annoying, right? I thought you should feel my pain. If I turn away from the screen even briefly, I leave any open page vulnerable to a thousand marching back slashes. I took it to an Apple Authorized Repair Store, where a representative told me “This will be an easy fix. I’ll be back in a moment.” Then, “You have a broken circuit. This will be a very expensive repair. You might want to consider purchasing a new lap top.” Then, “We might be able to fix this for a little less than I originally quoted you, but it will take between seven to 10 business days to repair.” I bought a $20 keyboard to circumvent the problem, which actually worked for a day or two. Then those rotten back slashes made their way back into my life. \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\h\e\l\p\m\e\!\
My cellphone screen has just the slightest crack, but it’s creeping closer to the lens and, since I don’t have a working camera, I’m getting nervous that all my future photos will have a back slash though them.
Early one Sunday morning a few weeks ago, I drove home from our cabin. As I headed south on Highway 22, I passed several Amish buggies heading north towards town.
I wonder, every now and then, if I might be better suited for a life like that, with no technology at all.
But, the truth is, I’d probably break the buggy.