I apologize for the bluntness of that sentence, but I need to make you understand.
I can’t do this anymore. Our relationship hasn’t been good for a while now and, you know what? It isn’t me.
You drop in uninvited, leave your stuff everywhere, and, even when I obviously have other plans, you never leave.
I’ll admit, I used to find your clinginess kind of cute — the way you draped yourself around my shoulders as I walked to work and flirted with me through the window when I arrived. That whole every flake being different than the next thing that you do is pretty impressive and when you’re fun, you’re really fun.
I like the way you get all gussied up for the holidays and make Christmas so festive. But, you’re not really an Easter kind of guy and if you stick around much longer you’re really going to embarrass yourself. Nobody wanted snow around on Opening Day and now we’re a week into the MLB season. Have some dignity!
We’ll always have that first run down the Erb Park Sled Hill when it was just you, me and those two little boys who definitely thought my woo hooing was a little nutso. Back then you gave me the chills in an excited, goosebumpy way.
Now, you’re just cold. I try to talk to you and my face goes numb.
Frankly, you’re a little too salty for my taste too. What’s up with that?
You were so pure when you first started coming around and now you’re all gritty and gross. And, not to pile on, but you’re a lot heavier than you used to be. Dude, that’s not cool. You almost broke my shovel last night and today all of my muscles are sore.
Don’t even get me started on your friends — the wind, the ice and the annoying way they swirl around us and never let us alone. Come on, man. You’re better than that!
At least you used to be.
So, this is it.
I don’t want to see you anymore.
I’d appreciate it if you’d gather up all your stuff and leave before I get home from work today.