Yesterday, not coincidentally on International Women’s Day, I texted with one of the strongest women I know. My sister in-law Carol, who received a Presidential Award for Excellence in Mathematics and Science Teaching in 2019, has been rising to the biggest challenge in her life with grace, poise, poetry and love.
Her husband John, a lively athletic man with a dry sense of humor and a work-hard-play-hard life philosophy, was diagnosed with early onset Alzheimer’s Disease seven years ago. They made the most of those early years, traveling and spending as much time as they could with each other, until John’s symptoms progressed to the point that he had to seek residential care.
The onset of the pandemic added to the challenge and Carol fought hard for her husband and the time they needed to spend with each other. A Portland television station profiled them earlier this year.
For the past three years, she has marked Valentine’s Day with a poem honoring John and their incredible love.
This year’s poem arrived in the mail last week and I asked Carol if I could share it with all of you. She suggested I share all three poems to demonstrate the progression of his disease and the steadfastness of their love.
Of course, I agreed.
I hope you enjoy the following three poems and that they inspire you to find gratitude for the tender relationships you have in your life. I also hope we find a cure for this insidious disease some day soon.
What My Eyes See…What My Heart Sees…
Carol’s Valentine’s gratitude written for her husband, John, of almost 35 years (February 2020):
My eyes see the disease progressing…
My heart sees focusing on what is important…
My eyes see the loss of names and memory of even the most recent events…
My heart sees his joy at connecting and making new memories…
My eyes see pacing, pacing, pacing…
My heart sees a man looking for purpose…
My eyes see a loss of ability for more of the daily living skills…
My heart sees the body getting ready for the next chapter…
My eyes see a refusal of help…
My heart sees a man holding onto his dignity…
My eyes see his anger or frustration…
My heart sees my loving dear wanting things to be the way they were…
My eyes see him spontaneously getting up and leaving my side…
My heart sees him searching to fulfill a missing need…
My eyes see a change in posture and gaze…
My heart sees the mind getting ready for the next chapter…
My eyes see the disease progressing…
My heart sees a love that is here to stay.
We Can’t…But, We Still Can…
Carol’s Valentine’s Update of John 2021:
We can’t be in the apartment together…but we can still be at home together wherever we are…
We can’t travel anymore…but we can still travel together in our dreams…
We can’t give kisses…but we can still let each other know we are loved each day…
We can’t have deep conversations anymore…but we can still connect in our souls…
We can’t laugh at humorous jokes or clever wit…but we can still smile at the sweet joy of life’s moments…
We can’t go for long hikes…but we can still walk together hand-in-hand in the park…
We can’t bike, camp, eat, party or celebrate with dear family and friends…but we can still smile and treasure each and every moment through pictures and special memories…
We can’t problem solve together our kids’ troubles…but we can still model for them how to face some of life’s greatest challenges…
We can’t drive to new adventures…but we can still journey through the road ahead together…
We can’t spend the whole day together physically…but we still can be together every moment in our hearts…
We can’t sleep together…but we can still be bonded together side by side for eternity and beyond…
We can’t run in the rain or jump in the waves…but we can still dance to the magic of our love…
We can’t know what the future will bring…but we can still know the future is ours for the making…
He’s Still Teaching Me…
Carol’s Valentine’s Update of John 2022:
He’s Still Teaching Me…
He is still teaching me… that rushing prevents me from savoring each and every moment together…
He is still teaching me… that the independent girl he fell in love with can handle being alone…
He is still teaching me… to be gentle and kind with myself besides being gentle and kind to him…
He is still teaching me… that I don’t have to do it all myself…
He is still teaching me… that most of my worries are imagined and to put my faith in him, family and God…
He is still teaching me… that each and every challenge is an opportunity to grow stronger…
He’s still teaching me… that joy is everywhere and life can still be filled with surprises…
He is still teaching me…that laughter truly is the sweetest and best medicine…
He still teaching me… that even without words, our connection is magical…
He is still teaching me… that sometimes there is nothing to to do but be…
He is still teaching me… that I only need to look into his eyes, and I’ll see the love in his heart…
He’s still teaching me… that he is the love of my life, and I’m his beautiful wife…
He is still teaching me… that I will always have his hand to hold…
He is still teaching me… that miracles are in our love together…
Sweet, but sad love story.