I accidentally unwrapped a Seinfeldian scandal this Sunday in the form of a toasted coconut Dilly Bar.
What’s that you say? You’ve never heard of a toasted coconut Dilly Bar?
Then you, my friend, must not live in Appleton, Wisconsin, home of the world’s greatest Dairy Queens.
As happens often in the world we live in, the whole thing started on Twitter.
On June 5, my son Vinnie tweeted from his home in Minneapolis that, of the more than 7,000 Dairy Queen locations in the world, Appleton was the only franchise to offer toasted coconut Dilly bars.
Of course, I jumped right on that and called the closest Dairy Queen to my house. Yes, they told me, they could have toasted coconut Dilly Bars, but they didn’t currently have any in stock. I checked in periodically throughout the summer and into fall, “Hi. It’s me again. Do you have any coconut Dilly Bars in stock?”
Eventually, I lost interest. I’m more of a Peanut Buster Parfait girl anyway. I was only in it for the intrigue.
Last week, seven months after Vinnie’s fascinating tweet, my husband casually mentioned that he’d brought home some toasted coconut Dilly Bars.
“Wait, what?” I looked up from the “Midnight at the Concord,” a pivotal season two episode of the Marvelous Mrs. Maisel. “Did you say Toasted Coconut Dillys? They have those now?”
“Yeah, I guess so,” he said. “They’re really good.”
I hopped in my little blue Bug and high-tailed it right to Dairy Queen, where I know I startled the polite young man behind the counter with my persistent line of questioning.
Here’s what I learned:
Appleton is the only DQ to stock toasted coconut Dilly Bars. This is a fact. Furthermore, they are the only franchise to offer any special flavors at all.
As the young man said, “It was kind of our thing.”
But, here’s the hook: Corporate has told them to cease and desist with the special flavors. So, once their stock of special flavors runs out, they will only be offering chocolate, cherry or butterscotch. Yawnsville, am I right?
Of course, I bought a bunch of toasted coconut Dilly Bars and I’ve stashed them in our freezer. My husband contacted some hunting friends to see if we borrow freezer space to add to our stockpile. Then he sent me a link to a $700 freezer we could use just for the purpose of Dilly preservation. He was kidding. I think.
If we deem you Dilly worthy, we may offer you one from time to time. But, mostly we intend to hoard them as yet another delicious example of how Appleton is the coolest little city on earth.
Meanwhile, if you live in or near Appleton and appreciate a specially flavored Dilly Bar (peanut butter comes to mind), I suggest you head on over to Dairy Queen and stock up.
Don’t dilly dally.
Sorry. It had to be said.