Hey Pinterest, we’ve seen your magnolia cupcakes, hydroponic window farms, interactive gift wrap and hand-sewn vintage pillow cases and we have one question for you: Do Pinters ever really rest?
Do they holster their glue guns and just lollygag like the rest of us?
As three-year veterans of the our-grass-is-greener,-organic-and-grown-in-the-shape-of-a-leprechaun sharing site, we think not.
We picture manic crafters piping cream cheese patterns on farmer’s market-grown spinach tortillas while simultaneously cross stitching complex algorithms on their children’s homemade knapsacks.
Relax? We think not. The Pinter-perfect people we see achieve bakasana (the crane pose), while balancing seven course dinners on their backs.
And the hair, my goodness it’s beautiful! The intricate braids, the soft, flowy curls. But, come on! You’d have to be Ursula the Sea Witch to style those locks! Then, if you lived where we do, you’d have to jam a hat on your head and pray static cling doesn’t whisk the whole number away.
Sure, we think your nautical-themed bedroom is cool and we’d love to hang sea worthy masts from our teenager’s headboard, but we haven’t seen the floor of her bedroom since 2010.
The DIY movement briefly swept our craft-challenged family during the infamous Christmas of 2012. We tried, Lord knows we tried. But our gung couldn’t ho and we ended up with a shattered mug (“I thought the directions said to microwave for two hours, not two minutes”), a runny candle (“Who knew food coloring was different than candle coloring?”) and a possible case of ptomaine poisoning (“Geez, maybe I didn’t boil it long enough.”)
For the health and safety of everyone, it may be time for us to step away from the boards until we can find a Pinterest for the rest of us — one with people who scotch tape their fallen hems until their husbands can repair them, tamp down their cowlicks with tap water or spit, send their children to school with clean underwear, a sweet kiss and a peanut butter sandwich.
With apologies to all of our 47 followers, we’re taking a Pinterest sabbatical.
We admire every lithe, artistic, thick-haired, stylish, crafty, talented, intelligent one of you. We’re not bitter. We’re just Pinter-exhausted.