These Canadian wildfires are making a spectacle out of me

My husband stared in horror as I proudly clipped my new sunglasses on over my regular glasses.

“Are we moving to Del Boca Vista?” he asked.

The Seinfeld reference made me laugh. If you ask me the secret to a long and happy marriage, I will answer in one word: Seinfeld.

But, I digress.

The truth is, these Canadian wildfires are making a spectacle of me.

I’ve rocked a layered sunglass look before, especially on road trips when the sun beats down as I’m trying to catch up on important social media happenings. My husband is very familiar with that look.

But, since I first got contact lenses for Christmas in 1978, I have never worn my regular glasses in public. I don’t like them. At all.

Lately, I’ve been sporting curious layers of spectacles because our air quality in Wisconsin has been the country’s worst. We’re used to cornfields here, green grass and plenty of fresh clean air.

My eyeballs and I have been spoiled.

For some reason, though, smoke from Canadianum it uu wildfires has parked itself over our beautiful state and refused to move on. I get it. Most people who wander into Wisconsin look for ways to stay.

But, my eyeballs are not fans of that troublesome air, and they’ve made their opinion known. Yesterday, they scared one of my contact lenses so badly, it fled to a nook under my eyelid and had to be coaxed out with promises of a soft music and a warm bath.

In an effort to appease my cranky eyes, I dug a vintage pair of prescription sunglasses out of a junk drawer last Saturday and wore them to the Farmer’s Market.

“Those retro glasses are really in,” my son Vinnie said. “You look like an influencer.”

I took his word for it because I couldn’t see myself. Turns out the prescription was vintage too. If you waved at me Saturday morning and I didn’t wave back, please know I did not see you. I tried to smile in a friendly manner to everyone I didn’t see so I wasn’t accidentally rude to anyone who saw me. IYKYK.

I’ve also been working out blind because I don’t like the way glasses slide around my sweaty face. In some ways, it’s a blessing because I don’t get distracted by random dust bunnies I spot in corners. In other ways, it’s a little dangerous if I yank too quickly and my weights haven’t been put away in the exact order I left them.

The air quality around here is starting to get a little better, and soon I’ll be back to my regularly scheduled program of contact lenses, reading glasses and giant sunglasses.

Until then, though, you might see me sporting three layers of spectacles (and I probably still won’t see you).

Serenity now!